A New Patch ~ 1

So here it is 4 months later. I keep promising myself that I will get better at blogging. I really want to do it, but something always comes up and I don't get to it or I just plain forget.

 I have once again changed the look of my blog, if you visited before you saw the wonderful spring flowers and the windmill gracing the background. Now my blog has a much darker look, not because I am depressed (although I have had some very strong bouts in the last couple months) but because the design is now comprised of 3 of my favorite elements, purple (my very favorite color), green (purple's best companion color) and elephants (just love them!)! I am going to do my best to keep up with this for the next 30 days and see if I can make it that far.

 Now on to some more serious "stuff". Have you ever felt alone? You have everything you need, food, water, clothing, comfortable home and bed, cars that get you from place to place, spouse, children and pets...and yet there is this gaping hole in your life and you long to be whole!

 This is the way I have been feeling for about 4 years. Oh I have put a band-aid over my hole but it never stays long and you have to keep replacing it with a newer more updated one. I know there is only one thing that can fill that hole in completely but how can I reach it a universe away? In reality it isn't a universe away I need only drop to my knees and cry out and He will be there.

Why am I so stubborn, why can't I just do it? CONTROL...I have to have control and dropping to my knees requires humility, it requires surrender and oh how difficult that is to do! This causes so much inner turmoil when you REALLY crave something. You can see it, you know it is within your grasp but you have to let go of that "other thing", that "something", that "anything", that "nothing" to reach out and take hold of it. From this time forward this is my journey to see if I can reach it. Can I let go and let God? He has promised me He will never leave me. Can I accept that promise, let go of what I struggle so ardently to hang on to, stretch out my hand and take the hand that has always been reaching out to me?